Daglees

I went into this movie expecting to see the best movie ever but I quickly started to think worst movie ever after the first couple of action scenes. It seems even Matrix had surrendered to the evil plot monster. The movie started off with a couple of kickass fights scenes and then went directly into some plot. I learned all I needed to know about the plot after about five minutes and then it just started to drag on.

The basic plot is the machines are going to destroy Zion. That's it. It took probably 30 minutes and a love triangle, that I think is only important to the video game, to tell us that plot. When you go to see this movie bring a mattress so that after the first five minutes you can go to sleep until Neo goes to see the oracle. This portion of the movie takes place in Zion, the last human city. It's pointless. At one point the movie stops and they begin a techno music video. Techno music is the worst music ever. Anyone who listens to techno music or Moby will be run over repeatdly by my car. The only time techno music is cool is when people are kicking ass in movies like the matrix. The penalty for listening to techno music is death.

The Matrix people also tried to make this movie into some sort of love thing between Neo and Trinity. Newsflash no one is going to see Reloaded for the romance. Also sex between people with plugs down their spine is disgusting. Think about robots having sex, but don't because you'll become impotent. Poor robots.

If the movie would have started when Neo went to see the Oracle this would be the best movie ever. The plot after this point becomes interesting and confusing. Even if you are a robot you won't understand this plot because this isn't one movie, it's half a movie. The other half is Revolutions that comes out in November. The stuff you find out about the matrix is cool, especially because there's vampires in this movie. No one fights the vampires but one can only hope they will in the next movie.

Another good point the matrix has going for it is its style. I usually think that trenchcoats are for people who eat a lot of cheese but in this movie they look wicked awesome. Every person I saw wearing a trenchcoat to the movie though was punched in the face. The only thing not in the matrix that is cool enough to wear a trenchcoat are vampires and since all the cheese eaters I saw wearing trenchcoats didn't have fangs I assumed they weren't vampires. If they were they would've kicked my ass for punching them in the face in which case I would have taken my crossbow off my back and dusted them off. Alucard 1, Vampires 0. Another style thing in the matrix is wearing sunglasses, inside. The exception to my sunglasses rule is that only people in the matrix can wear them inside. Plus if I tried to eat Neo he'd probably just blow me up then I'd return stronger then ever before and with thousands of clones. My clones and I would then rule the matrix.

Best fight scenes ever. Hitting people with sticks is cool. In the fight with all the agent Smith's Neo takes a pole and starts clubbing people. Another cool fight is the one in the room with the two stairwells on the sides and a balcony. Neo fights about 5 guys at once and owns them. Also there's a bunch of weapons on the walls of this room which is wicked cool. Morpheus has super cool hip-hop style but still gets owned by agents. The chase scene on the freeway is the best car scene ever. Agents are constantly warping into cars around the good guys and trying to own them. It's so awesome. Go buy the DVD now. If you've seen it already go see it again because I say so.